5 Years Ago

5 Years ago today I took Coco to a park to have her photos taken by a professional photographer. We were happy with our one child and our new home.

5 Years ago today I was content and happy with life.

5 Years ago today I was in a high paying, high stress job - which I loved and thought that I would be there forever.

5 Years ago today I was in total control of my life. I knew what I wanted - I knew I was a career woman and that was what I wanted out of life.

5 Years ago today Coco was in daycare, I was happy knowing that I was a mom but that I didn't have to deal with the daily "stuff" that comes with motherhood because I was this important "business woman"

5 Years ago today I didn't have a worry in the world - I had my job, I had my great family, I had it all

5 Years ago today life changed.

At some point - exactly 5 years ago today my mom decided to go for a nap. My mom never woke up from that nap and we found her the next day, dead in her bed. My mom and I were very close - I took care of my mom. Obviously not well enough.

I still remember the events of that Sunday, September the 28th.... I talked to my mom basically every day - and I had called and called and could not reach her. I phoned my sister and expressed concern over not being able to reach her and asked her to go and check. (I live 45 min away, sister lived 5)

The rest of the following week was a blur.

Anyhow, like I said - that day changed my life.

I no longer cared about my job. A job was a useless, meaningless thing and just wasn't important.

After that, we decided on having another child - maybe it was because I was more concerned then about family then a career, maybe it was to fill the void in my life that was left after my mom died, maybe it was because mom always gave me crap for only having (and only wanting) one child "You have enough love in your heart for 2" she would tell me.

I think of my mother everytime I look at Little Miss M. Their profiles are identical. They have the same nose and cheeks;)

Yeah - life has definitely changed in the past 5 years.

I'm a firm believer in "Everything happens for a reason". This one was a hard one to swallow, but I do believe that it was all a part of lifes plan for me.

I miss her terribly. Not as much or as often as I once did. It's true, time does heal wounds. I will ALWAYS remember her, I will ALWAYS love her.

This was a poem that I found and put in the newspaper on the one year anniversary of her passing...... thought I would share ;) Thanks for listening to me today everyone! xxx

If Tears Could Build A Stairway

If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
We would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why.

Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.

But now we know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store.

Since you’ll never be forgotten
We pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you’ll always stay.

In Our Hearts We thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday,
And days before that too.

We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories,
And your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake,
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.